Song of the Day: Pompeii by Bastille
Lately I’ve
been responding to almost everything with apathy. Everything is now meh. Which is better than my usual
over-emotional self, but it bothers me. It bothers me because I want feelings,
but just the good ones. In other words, I want to be happy.
I’m not
miserable, I’m just moderately content with my life right now. To explain
further, I’m a spontaneous person. I like things to happen in quick succession,
like a flash of images passing through my eyes, I like to feel strong,
crippling emotions that leave me out of breath, I want to be so happy I can’t
contain myself. I can’t stand stillness, it’s boring, it’s dull and it feels
like silence.
And nothing
bothers me more than something that’s out of my control. When there’s nothing I
can do to fix it. It’s better when it’s
my fault, as I’ve mentioned in a previous post, but when I can’t explain it...when
no one can’t, then I feel like my whole body is going to burst of frustration. Perhaps,
that fix is to let everything go. To
stop trying to think like someone else and let life happen. I’ll probably never
know why things go the way they do, but if there’s nothing I can do about it,
what is the point of worrying about it? I think that if it doesn’t happen, then
it wasn’t good to begin with. Although I can’t explain it, I do not view life
as a collection of random occurrences. Things do happen for a reason, and every
single thing that’s happened to me, big or small has led me where I am today,
so the universe – for lack of a better term of the unknown force that may or
may not control the entire yarn of existence - is probably far wiser than I am.
I’m a person that does not plan things, because what’s the point in that? To
quote alt-band Paramore, “it’s not the way you plan it, it’s how you make it
happen.”
There is no
point to linger in memories because time does not wait for us, it just moves
forward (or does it? That is a debate for another time). What I’m
trying to say is, it’s okay to let things go, if they don’t work. Go ahead,
delete that conversation. There’s no point in waiting for people that don’t
give two shits about you. It’s fine, because the truth is, there are people
that are worth your time, and believe me, you’ll know when you meet them. It’s
fine because this time it’s not a heartbreak, it’s a minor nuisance. This time
you’re angry because you wasted your time, not because you were hurt. This time
you know you’ve grown and those silly little things don’t hurt you at all
anymore, and you’re this strong person you once hoped you’d be.
So, this
feeling of apathy might not be so bad after all. That is, because I’m proud of
myself. I might’ve lost the battle, but I’ve won the war. Let me close this
post with a few pictures (for lack of .gifs) from the great Kelly Kapoor.
Also (here's a .gif yayyy!!!):
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