So, I romanced Solas...

No, seriously. I'm fine.

The 'nice' guy

Song of the Day: Hooked on a Feeling by Blue Suede

Note: I meant to write this for a while now, but I was too busy :/ Uni's been a pain in the ass lately, so I haven't had time to play a single video game since early September, much less write a post. 

We've all dreamed of meeting him ever since we watched our first Disney movie. He was tall, dark and handsome and sweet and caring and back then, getting a guy like that seemed easier than putting our clothes on on our own.
Fast forward to early adolescence, we saw him again in romcoms, as the adorable guy that secretly loves his best friend, who happens to be with a guy she doesn't deserve, but in the end, it all works out and they ride a unicorn into the sunset. It all seemed so believable back then, so incredibly naive that it's hard for me to grasp how foolish I was. But, part of being an adult is removing your rose-tinted glasses - going out into the world and finally seeing it for what it is; a piece of crap.
And so the 'nice guy' that also happens to be incredibly handsome trope lives on to the present day. You want to know what I think of that? It's bullshit. Finding a nice guy, even a not-so-attractive one, is like finding a four-leaf clover. Come on! you might say, it can't be that hard! But truth is, it is. It's still baffling to me how incredibly hard it is to find a guy that doesn't want just sex.

By now, you might be enraged. No, you're an idiot, you might think. You just like bad boys, it's your own fault.
No, actually, I'm not at all attracted to macho-type guys (well, apart from Dean Winchester, who's actually a big softie if you get to know him), in fact, they repulse me. No, I usually go for quiet, shy, sweet guys that seem to fit the 'nice guy' profile. Having a rather strong personality myself (which has nothing to do with me being an introvert), I prefer being around someone that doesn't overpower me, or threaten me, but rather, someone that is more...quiet is not quite the word I'm looking for, neither is submissive...I think what I mean to say is someone that listens to what I have to say (instead of being as loud and vocal as I am) and respects my opinions and doesn't feel the need to contradict them all the time (even though he might not agree with me). I'm looking for another introvert, someone that likes video games and watching tv and understands why I sometimes feel the need to hide from everyone in the dark, even for entire days, someone that gets why I'm overwhelmed by too much socialisation and doesn't mock me for being socially awkward. Basically, a descent human being, someone like me.

Is it so hard to find a descent human being? It seems so, yes. I honestly thought I had, and thought so for a whole year. And then, I realised that this person that I thought was so much like me, that listened to me ramble about things I liked and even remembered everything I told him days later, that person I thought had feelings for me, was an asshole. Which explains why he never asked me out, or anything. Apparently, I was just another girl he flirted with, which didn't bother me too much because I had no feelings whatsover towards him. What bothered me was that I considered this person a friend of mine and he really disappointed me with his patriarchal point of view and sexist remarks.

It seems that I've digressed a bit - hell, this is in no way an essay or anything, it's basically incoherent rambling. - what I mean to say is this: Don't ever compromise. It's true that 'nice guys' exist, but they're not as common as movies and tv will have you believe. You need to spend a lot of time alone, which can be very hard at times. And others will have boyfriends/girlfriends and that's probably going to hurt a lot, but you know what? Some of them have compromised and they're with someone that's not right for them, out of fear of being alone. There are no perfect people, but there are people that are perfect for us. We just haven't met them yet. We're in a planet of 7 billion people, so you can imagine how hard that is. Point is, you should never compromise. I'm not saying you should have a five page list of what you're looking for in a partner, what I'm saying is that when someone's right for you, you'll know it. Until then, all you can do is watch the Mindy Project and cry because Mindy Lahiri is so damn lucky.

In a galaxy far far away...

Song of the Day: Counting Stars by One Republic

Sometimes I feel like the 2014 nineteen-year-old Carrie Bradshaw. Except I don't own any Manolo Blahnik, or go to designer parties, or write a column for a magazine. 

Yes, I might not be in my thirties, or even a 'real' adult, despite being five months and a day away from my 20s, and yes, I don't have a proper job, or a serious relationship (or any right now -.-), but I'm wise beyond my years. 

All I know I learned from tv. And believe me, the things I see- the way men think...I mean what the fuck, when I girl leaves, go after her! To finish my sentense, I'm not even sure they think; maybe they say whatever pops into their heads and shrug, and then, they go ahead and say that women are complicated and they can't figure out the way WE think or what we want. 

Well, this is my face, like all the goddamn time:

What we want is for you to pay attention. To THINK, for fuck's sake. And not bury your feelings, just embrace them. It's going to feel much better, I promise. But no, *dude voice* we have to be tough and drink beer and burp and be all manly. 

In a Carrie fashion, I'll end this shitstorm with a question: How different are the two genders? And is it nature that differentiates us, or nurture?

It's the Velocirapocalypse! Also, apparently NOT the darkest timeline!

Captain's Log 76: I'm stranded at sea.

Well, kind of.
Good news: I re-wrote the beginning of my novel; since the previous chapters seemed out of place and awkward when paired with the rest of the story. They were fine when I was a teenager, but for the last few years I felt like I needed to change the very first chapters, because obviously, they're the most important ones, the ones that will draw the reader in, or lose them.
But, for a long while, I had no idea what to write, or how to pair the beginning with the rest of the story. But one day, not long ago, it came to me. Just like that. I started writing and here we are! The first two chapters are complete and I'm quite happy with how they came out. I'll need to change a few details in the following chapters, but the idea remains the same, and the later chapters (from chapter 10 and on) will stay pretty much intact.
I've come to the conclusion that this novel is my magnum opus, seeing as I've already dedicated seven years of my life writing it. A lot has changed since then - it's almost unrecognisable, and although the story has matured along with me, its core has remained the same. A handful of names that I came up with when I was twelve have remained the same; not for sentimental reasons, but because they were good! I might've been only a child, but I had some great ideas. And here I am now, seven years later, ready to finish the first book. I still haven't decided a name for the series, and there might never be.

Not-so-good meows news: All this time I've spent finishing chapter one and two: it's because my desktop computer is currently in a storage unit and I'm miles away in my parents' house with my good ol' laptop that can't play anything with but old games, otherwise it gets mad at me and shuts down.
Playing The Witcher all day long doesn't seem like a great idea; it's quite an enjoyable game but it's from 2007 and sometimes even I've had enough of medieval-themed video games. Also, every single prostitute/ serving girl/ witch in this game seems to want to grab my butt, but Geralt really likes Triss (according to my headcannon at least. Can't we make Yennifer disappear or something?), so she's the only one with ass-grabbing rights.

Back to me: Lately, I've been puzzled and not puzzled. I'll explain.
There's this guy. Let's call him Emmet Brickowski. And yes, you guessed right (???), this is a story of .gifs.
When he's around other people, he acts like this:

When he's around me, he acts like this:

And this:

And this:

Aaand this:

Now that I come to thing about it, he could be an undercover velociraptor. He obviously does not read this blog, although if he bothered to check my facebook profile, he would have access to this sorry mess (HINT! HINT!)

And he would know (I guess?) that his plan is going awry. It was a stupid plan to begin with. Okay, I have to admit, it was cute at first, now, however, it's borderline annoying. NO. Skip borderline. It's Annoying. Capital A. 

How the fuck can you not send a text. After I sent you one first! What the fuck is wrong with you? What? WHAT?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

And my question is:

It's not that I don't understand men, it's just that you're weird, man. And I usually like weird, but now I'm annoyed, so... Yeah. Congratulations, I suppose. Operation succesful.

Also, no Song of the Day today. NO SONG.

A Storm of Thoughts

Song of the Day: Pompeii by Bastille

Lately I’ve been responding to almost everything with apathy. Everything is now meh. Which is better than my usual over-emotional self, but it bothers me. It bothers me because I want feelings, but just the good ones. In other words, I want to be happy.

I’m not miserable, I’m just moderately content with my life right now. To explain further, I’m a spontaneous person. I like things to happen in quick succession, like a flash of images passing through my eyes, I like to feel strong, crippling emotions that leave me out of breath, I want to be so happy I can’t contain myself. I can’t stand stillness, it’s boring, it’s dull and it feels like silence.

And nothing bothers me more than something that’s out of my control. When there’s nothing I can do to fix it. It’s better when it’s my fault, as I’ve mentioned in a previous post, but when I can’t explain it...when no one can’t, then I feel like my whole body is going to burst of frustration. Perhaps, that fix is to let everything go. To stop trying to think like someone else and let life happen. I’ll probably never know why things go the way they do, but if there’s nothing I can do about it, what is the point of worrying about it? I think that if it doesn’t happen, then it wasn’t good to begin with. Although I can’t explain it, I do not view life as a collection of random occurrences. Things do happen for a reason, and every single thing that’s happened to me, big or small has led me where I am today, so the universe – for lack of a better term of the unknown force that may or may not control the entire yarn of existence - is probably far wiser than I am. I’m a person that does not plan things, because what’s the point in that? To quote alt-band Paramore, “it’s not the way you plan it, it’s how you make it happen.”

There is no point to linger in memories because time does not wait for us, it just moves forward (or does it? That is a debate for another time). What I’m trying to say is, it’s okay to let things go, if they don’t work. Go ahead, delete that conversation. There’s no point in waiting for people that don’t give two shits about you. It’s fine, because the truth is, there are people that are worth your time, and believe me, you’ll know when you meet them. It’s fine because this time it’s not a heartbreak, it’s a minor nuisance. This time you’re angry because you wasted your time, not because you were hurt. This time you know you’ve grown and those silly little things don’t hurt you at all anymore, and you’re this strong person you once hoped you’d be.

So, this feeling of apathy might not be so bad after all. That is, because I’m proud of myself. I might’ve lost the battle, but I’ve won the war. Let me close this post with a few pictures (for lack of .gifs) from the great Kelly Kapoor. 

Also (here's a .gif yayyy!!!):

Who's that girl?

Song of the Day: 22 by Taylor Swift

I'm back in Glasgow. I spent most of my day binge-watching Inside Amy Schumer (again?!) and a few episodes of The Office.
It feels good watching women I can relate to; Amy Schumer, Mindy Kaling, Amy Poehler, Zooey Deschanel. All my life I've been told to be less emotional, to stop crying so easily, to wear stop being so girly. No. To quote Jessica Day from New Girl, "I just wanted to listen to Taylor Swift alone."
That's me.
Actually, let me describe myself with a few .gifs. However you pronounce that. (I say it with a soft g motherfuckers).

When I go out:

Also when I go out:

The rest of my life:

Every time I see something cute:

How I'm trying to act when someone flirts with me:

What ends up happening:

Also, when I make a really REALLY dumb decision:

A few hours later:

A few days later:

And finally, when people tell me to be this or that:

What also feels good is listening to Justin Timberlake late at night. Damn you Jessica Biel!

I tricked you! This was another post about my FEELINGS. Yeah. I bet you thought you were going to read something interesting!

Wait...this is a blog that barely anyone reads so...yeah. It's another sparsely populated corner of the internet where I vaguely describe my life. 

Oh and, Ireland was interesting. I enjoyed Belfast far more than Dublin. Belfast was a cozy little town, oddly connected to two things that are synonymous with death and misery: The Titanic and Game of Thrones.

Right! I almost forgot! There's a new episode tonight! There's a lot of blood and death and...poop. 

It's FUN!

The final frontier

Two posts on the same day? She must be pretty angry! Well, yes I am, thank you very much.

Sometimes I think: wtf is my life??? 

I should be watching The Mindy Project again and again to remind myself why serial dating is a bad idea. Also to remind myself that Danny was a dick too. Also, to try to stay as sober as possible at weddings. 

If there's a character similar to me on tv, that's Jessica Day from New Girl. I'm weird, I'm awkward, I'm dorky as hell and wayyy too mushy and emotional. I even cried at that movie where a guy dies and his dog's waiting for him until it dies too. 

I even cry when I see cute babies in diaper ads or when I listen to Taylor Swift. I don't get the Nicks and Schmidts and Coaches of the world. I'm confused. Like Psyduck. 

People hate drama. What's that even supposed to mean? Am I expected to change myself; to be less emotional, to stop crying at silly things? 

Is it because I'm a cat lady? 

Guess what, I'm fucking proud to be a cat lady. Cats are awesome and I own several clothes depicting them. 

Fuck this. I'm not going to change myself to please someone else, 'cause I'm pretty damn awesome. And if I'm not good enough for you, that's your loss. 

I'm hella rad and that is not debatable.