Relationships are silly

I mean, why ever bother to be in a relationship, when there's so much to do and see out there!
I don't understand the rush of some people (mostly girls) to get in a relationship with the first 'cute' guy they meet, just to have something to brag about to their friends and on facebook.
Is this happiness? I think not.
I think this phenomenon's cause is mainly pressure from nowadays' society. A few decades back, you had to marry young, or you'd stay alone for the rest of your life; now, in 2013, when men and women are considered equal, the rules have changed just a little, you need to find a boyfriend, then another one, then another. You can't possibly be single for more than a few months - if you are you're a loser. And if you change guys like you change shirts, you're a slut.
We're part of a society and whether we like it or not, we're all labelled according to our actions. I'm personally against dating guy after guy, but each person can do as they please, as long as they don't hurt me.
To me, relationships are kind of silly. Most people never think about it too much before they engage into one and this is usually the reason for their short life span.
As women tend to be more sentimental than men, they feel the need to be in a relationship a lot more than they do. Let's face it; we all dream of the valiant raven/golden maned prince on his white horse riding towards our castle to our rescue. Well, I did.
And all these feelings get stronger and stronger as February approaches. Why? Because of that silly excuse of a commercial holiday that is Valentines Desperation Day. As Barney Stinson remarks quite wittily: "Every woman wants a date on Valentine's Day. That neediness reaches its climax - what up - on February 13th. A magical night, when a 10 has the self esteem of a 4, and the depraved enthusiasm of a 2".
Think about it. Why do you want a date on V-day so much? Maybe because fancy commercials, movies and tv told you that this is what you should do...that this is the ideal life?

To me, the ideal life is to be happy and respect yourself, not to sell yourself out. And if, for any reason, you don't feel comfortable with the fact of having a relationship, then don't - no biggie.
Commitment is serious and should not be taken lightheartedly. You don't want to hurt someone else, because what goes around, comes around and karma's a bitch. Personally, the few times I've felt I've hurt someone, I've always tried to somehow fix it and make up for it, even if it was inevitable and not my fault whatsoever.
I somehow feel responsible for people's feelings. But that's another topic for another day.
The moral of this post is to be yourself and never let anyone else to tell you how you should live your life.
You're not an elf, or a tree and you won't be here forever, so make sure you live with no regrets.

iTunes + learning how to edit

I just got into iTunes - yes, I know I'm late you hipsters, but hey, let me unfold the tale, like I know how.

In my previous computer account, because the path contained non-english characters, I had trouble installing 99% of .exe files, among which iTunes. It took me a little less than a year (yes, I know, embarrassing) to figure out what was going on. Eventually I did, made a new account and downloaded iTunes.

I'm so excited! The design is so polished and pretty...o.o

Apart from that, if you read my tweets, you'll have probably found out that ajfkvxsfl@*.* Amazon doesn't let me buy songs from them, so desperate as I was, I decided to try iTunes.

Surprisingly, it worked and yesterday I bought "Misty Mountains" from the soundtrack of "Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey". Oh, how much I love this song...

Anyway, today Paramore's "Now" came out and I HAD TO BUY IT!!!

I heard it on FueledbyRamen's YouTube channel and loved it instantly! Such inspiring and empowering lyrics and the music accompanying Hayley's voice...bravo Taylor and Jeremy!

So now I basically can't stop listening to it. This is the 6th repeat...

Moving to a different topic, I'm learning how to edit videos, so they'll look polished and nice, not sloppy, for my YouTube channel.

By the way you can find it on youtube.com/user/plusfivetodamage but it's empty for now.

I've done some serious planning (LOL) and there will be 5 different 'shows'. Serious business guys. 

A Clash of Things

It's impossible to be social.

Seriously, I don't know how people do it. 

As humans, we might look somewhat alike but our brains function in a completely different way. To me, there are two kinds of people; the ones you meet and instantly give you 'the look' (translation: shoo) and the ones who seem really nice and sweet. And no doubt, most sure are, but if there's one thing I know, that is:

Human relationships always lead to disaster.

Relationships are like Mordor, once you enter the territory, there's nothing but trouble ahead.

(note: I'm referring to friendship, not romantic relationships)

Nevertheless, humans hate being lonely; that's why they constantly seek the company of other apes.

Some prefer to socialise with members of the same sex, some with members of the opposite, and some with both.

In my case, I'm a girl (if you haven't noticed yet) and so I'll be describing everything from my perspective.

I've been around for almost two decades now and although I'm no sage, I've noticed quite a few times that girls can turn from angels to devils within seconds. Girl friendships never end well for me. Someone ends up backstabbing me by betraying my trust, sharing my secrets with everyone or simply dumping me because I wasn't a good enough friend for her. Girls usually try to undermine you, pull the rug from under your feet and destroy your life in any possible way if they think that you're more beautiful, charismatic, successful or popular than they are.

Women crave for attention and if one of their friends is stealing the spotlight, they won't hesitate to go all 'Littlefinger' on them.

Men on the other side, usually prove to be good friends. Like dogs, they're loyal, funny, a little inappropriate sometimes, but true friends. The thought of hurting you almost never crosses their mind, never mind plotting against you. They aren't picky and posh like most girls and can talk about video games and food for hours.

Guys prove to be a great company; they're funny, spontaneous and don't talk about their girlfriends/crushes 24/7 like most girls I know do.

So, what's the problem Opal? Why don't you just hang out with guys and problem solved?

Well. Don't ever expect them to understand certain parts of your life.

Don't mention the word period, because all they'll do is laugh and start acting immature, even if they're full grown adults. Don't mention the word make up; they'll say you look the same with or without it and leave you wondering if the mirror in your bathroom is somehow broken or enchanted, letting you see what you want to see. Worse, they'll say you look like a clown, 'cause they can be accidentally rude like that.

They probably won't understand your obsession with chocolate or your fangirl feels about Alistair or Legolas, or why it takes you so long to get ready, why you don't feel comfortable to burp in public or why you cry when you watch chic flicks and films with cute animals.

I might just have to accept that I'll never be one of aforementioned people.
And of course, I have friends, both girls and guys that are genuinely good people. But the meaning of all this is that it's not easy to forge a relationship with one or more people. You don't just meet someone and say "Hey, you wanna be friends?", because you're not 5 anymore.
The world has 6 billion people and you if you don't want to end up at the bottom of Mount Doom, keeping company to Smeagol, you better take things slow and be careful with you you trust; and who knows, you might just be able to achieve the impossible. Just saying.

My YouTube journey

After 7,211 tweets, 4+ years on Facebook, 124 posts on Tumblr and exploration of most social networks, I've decided to branch out to YouTube and show the world what a (insert positive adjective) person I am!

My YouTube journey will be (I hope) a weekly segment of my experience making videos such as Vlogs, Let's Plays, etc.

I don't know if people will like, or even notice me, because YouTube nowadays is as big as society itself.
Containing millions of videos and users, it's extremely easy to get lost and go unnoticed.
But, despite that, after thinking about it a lot and consuming huge amounts of chocolate, I've come to the conclusion that I do matter. And this is why I decided to become a part of this ever-growing community.

I won't lie; I'm not starting this journey without fear - but as I like to say, brave is the one who acknowledges and embraces fear, but doesn't give up.
Negativity is like an iron ball attached in your leg. It weights you down and eliminates your hopes, crushing them down.
When you let go of it, though, you get rewarded by a wonderful feeling; that of freedom.

I'll try to upload a video by the end of the week; shooting and editing takes quite a while.
Then if I get a few views and comments, I'll post my reaction here and I hope I get enough attention to be able to do this every week.

Walk the plank

It's hard to expose yourself to the world - to the millions who use the internet when you're as introvert and socially awkward as I am.
I'll say the truth...I don't like people. I don't like interacting with people, people I barely know or even worse, strangers. I always try to put on a brave face when I go out, but I fail miserably.
Every single time I go somewhere, people ask:
"Why are you so shy?", "Why are you so silent?".
My English teacher, a few years ago, even made the whole class - who by the way loathed me - to say loudly:
"Speak up".
Most embarrassing day of my life.

I'm pretty good at playing psychologist, so I'll try to analyse the situation here.
What am I afraid of?
Well, it's simple: judgement.
I want people to like me. I want them to think I'm amazing, funny, cool, smart, anything positive.
Just because I spent most of my life judged negatively - and to name a few examples, I was called: ugly, nerd, emo (I never was, I just had really long hair), zit-face -, I want to feel like I'm someone important now.
Problem is, I know the world is cruel and I'm afraid of mean and insulting comments or zero views.
What's worse that judgement is lack of attention. What if no one watches my videos? What if I'm not important to anyone?

These thoughts plague me and keep me back. I see others out there so effortlessly making videos without being especially attractive or having any special quality whatsoever and having thousands of views.
How?

Why aren't these people judged? Why do they have so many fans, that even send them gifts?
And most importantly, what do I lack?

Probably confidence. Not about my outer appearance, not anymore. It's about my personality.
That I'm not entertaining, funny or interesting enough for people to watch me.
I have no clue how to be like that. I know I have to do it, because I need to face that huge boss monster called world one day.
Other people act like it's no big deal but for me it is.
I've been receiving so much rejection through all these years at school - from elementary to high school - that I'm not sure I can be as confident as others are or pretend to be.
Me, I just love to shrink in a corner and stay silent.

What will it take for me to find the courage to let go of my fears and show the world who I really am?
Sure, it's better to express myself from the safety of my room, where no one can judge me and no one can hurt me.
But I ask myself: Do I really want that?
Or I simply prefer to do it so I won't have to expose myself to danger?

I've been through rough times, I've been abandoned, I've been bullied, I've been alone with not a single friend for a long period of time, but none of this has even broken me.
Yes, I fall, only to get up.
And right now what I need to do is to believe in myself.
I only wish I could.

Today

Mining

Do you have any idea how hard it is farming for copper ore?
DO YOU???

I've been all around Tyria - from Rata Sum to Queensdale to the Black Citadel hunting for copper.
Why? I need to level up my jewel crafting.
But right when I find the spot and start mining - pop - a giant jungle mosquito appears and starts attacking me. And then calls its friends. And it's not that I can't beat them - I can - but the thing is: they're disgusting. I can't even bare to look at the screen...because of my fear of insects.
So I die and then have to get to a waypoint a million miles away and I lose the mining spot. And then I have to walk for at least 15 minutes until I find another one, insect free.
The only insects I'm not bothered encountering are spiders - even giant ones. I'm not that scared of them (in RL I'd would be though) and I have no problem killing. I'm used to them anyway from games like Dragon Age and Skyrim.

The good news is that I'm 1 level before level 20!!! Woot woot! I've got 60 levels remaining 'till I max out my character.
And crafting helps a lot at leveling up.
So I'm back home to Kryta and more specifically, Queensdale (I'm currently playing a human warrior) that has no mosquitoes, dragonflies, etc. whatsoever.
Queensdale doesn't have as much copper mining spots as Metrica Province but at least I won't be in constant fear of bugs.

Gaming

Today's post is about gaming. Specifically about Guild Wars 2.

Now, I don't really like - nay, I strongly dislike MMORPGs (Massively Multiplayer Online Roleplaying Game for the noobs) and that reaction comes from my experience with WoW (World of Warcraft), EVE Online and others I've played in the past but can't remember their names. WoW in particular is praised by thousands of people; so many are obsessed with it, sacrificing hours on it. This is the reason I tried to play it not once, not twice, but four times (The Starter Edition of course, because I wouldn't be as dumb as to buy a game I haven't tested before). My reaction was the same all four times: disappointment. The game itself had very limited character customisation (which eventually leads to all characters looking somewhat alike), outdated graphics, unrealistic and extremely simplified combat, no cutscenes, silly, errand-like quests...Literally I could talk about its flaws all day long. I'm sure though you don't want that.
Back to the topic then.
When I first heard about Guild Wars 2, a brand new MMORPG that came out just this August, I was both excited and cautious. I knew that I wasn't a fan of the genre, but after googling the game for a while, I saw pictures with amazing graphics on both landscape and characters as well as a multitude of option in the CC (Character Creation), even height adjustment! As I couldn't hold my excitement, I visited their website to check for a demo of the game. Unfortunately, there was no such thing - if you wanted to play the game, you had to buy the game. For 60$ !!! At first, the price tag was a kick in the balls (not that I have any). But, if you do your proper research, you'll find out there's no monthly, or in fact any (!) subscription fee.
For the unfamiliar with the gaming world, a subscription fee is money you pay, usually each month, to play an online game. To put it simply, you buy a game and then you pay (usually) every month to have access to its content.

Since the first game of the series, Guild Wars has shuttered this model to pieces, popularised by Blizzard Entertainment  (creator of WoW). By offering excellent quality graphics, a variety of classes and races, cutscenes, a personal story, voiced character, improved combat system and more they managed to gain a large, loyal fanbase and even make other companies drop their monthly subscription fee (like Funcom with the game Secret World).
Moreover, it's a huge value of money; think about it. Where you're playing subscription based games, you pay a tremendous amount of money just to keep playing it. GW2 on the other side, simply asks you to pay 60$ once and for all!

Before making my decision though, I needed a second opinion. And who else to ask than Angry Joe!
Here's the link to his YouTube channel if you're interested - his videos are legend - wait for it - dary!
http://www.youtube.com/user/AngryJoeShow
He gave the game a 10/10! He never does that!
And right at that moment, I knew I had to buy it.
It was my birthday present you guys.

Is the game worth is?
The answer is: absolutely.

Even if you're not a fan of MMORPGs, go buy it! Luckily, I got it on Christmas sale (my birthday is on December) for around 40$ got the Digital Deluxe Edition for free (yay!).
You need this game in your life. You know it.

You will be baked and then, there will be cake...

( may or may not contain spoilers of the game Portal )
(NOTE: It definitely contains spoilers of the game Portal )

How can I even be afraid of a video game character?
Is this possible?
Normal?
Sane?

Well, when a super hi-tech talking computer that was your guide through 18 test chambers and promises you cake is leading you to a burning oven, trying to convince you to jump in, after incinerating your only friend, a cube with pink hearts, it's only natural to be scared.
I think.
Her name is GLaDOS (I refer to her to the femine gender because she speaks with a female voice) and I think she hates me. Like, really really hates me.

"The Enrichment Centre is required to remind you that you will be baked and then, there will be cake".

At first, I didn't take that line seriously; I thought that 'baked' meant I might accidentally fall inside the acid that surrounds the solid areas in most test chambers. But my gut told me otherwise. Because there were warning signs everywhere. Saying, over and over:

"The cake is a lie". 

I wondered why the previous Aperture test subjects would care to mention that, again and again.
Okay, I thought, maybe I won't eat cake at the end of the tests. That's not so bad.
I couldn't be more naive. I knew, right from the beginning that GLaDOS couldn't be trusted. But what happened was beyond every possible outcome that I could ever imagine. And to think I'm a writer.
It's my job to imagine things.

"Congratulations. The testing is now over. All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin. Rest assured that there's absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipement malfunction prior to your victory candescence. Thank you for participating in this Aperture computer-aided enrichment activity. Goodbye". 

Yes. GLaDOS's plan all along was to study me and then burn me alive.
So I did what every logical person that despises fire would do.
Escape.
I still had my portal gun in my hands and I could see a small room on top of the fire pit. And I thought:
What if I shoot a blue portal up there, then an orange one next to me, jump and try to land inside.
It's risky but since I'm going to die anyway, there's no harm in trying.
So I did it and I landed safely inside the room, away from the burning fire. GLaDOS didn't seem so happy though. And now they're after me. They're telling the the fire was the final test and I should wait until someone comes to take me to my cake. To celebrate my victory. No. I know a lie when I hear it. They're lying. She's lying. I'm a test subject, I'm a victim, I'm a toy at the hands of Aperture. And they're trying to capture me again. I don't know who they are, but I know they want to kill me. I won't let them, I'll run, I'll hide, I'll escape. I've got my portal gun and I'll escape. But how to escape when there's no escape?

Portal is the scariest game I've ever played. Honestly.

No darkspawn, no Reapers, no broodmothers, no husks, no marauders, collectors, bandits, templars, dragons, White Walkers, wargs or demons scare me.
Okay, husks maybe just a little. But GLaDOS, she gives me goosebumps. Of fear.
Because she's a computer trying to kill me inside a science lab.
She's monitoring my every move, she knows how I think, how I act, how I behave.
I'll keep playing Portal and Portal 2 and hope to stay alive to see the end.

The Gentleman

Somehow I still laughing with this old, inside joke.
If you're a fan of How I Met Your Mother, then you've definitely seen the episode "Blitzgiving", where the above line is being said several times.

I also feel like I should mention that today it snowed. Not much and if you live in northern Europe, US or Canada you'll probably laugh with this, as the so-called snow was nothing more than a few tiny snowflakes. Unfortunately, it happened at 8 o'clock in the morning and I missed it as I was sleeping at the time.
But, my mum says it will snow again tonight, so I'll sit outside with a torch and my binoculars (yes, the snowflakes are that small) and wait for the magical moment to occur. And I'll cross my fingers.

Wish me luck!

Long time, no see + blog redesign!

'ello folks!

I know I've been absent for ages - make it eons. I know. I had tons of stuff in my mind and plus, if you know me, you know I'll be hanging out on twitter, not on blogger.
But anyhow, I have decided to make a trimphant return to the blogging realm!
And I've got lots of things to talk about.

First things first, I've decided to change the blog's background, colours - basically its whole appearance. As I remarked, I haven't been here for a while and now I see it again, it looks a tad too girly for me, hence the redesign.

Secondly, there's a new 'project' of mine that I hope I can follow through. Remember when I said - wrote I really wanted to make a vlog but couldn't, due to me lacking a sense of humour? Well, almost a year later I realised if I am to make a youtube channel, it better be about a thing I'm passionate about. And that is...
GAMING.

Yes. I said gaming. So my plan is to create a YouTube gaming channel. You know, with Let's Plays and such. It seems like a really good idea to me, but there's one thing missing.
The name.
I need a proper, cool, interesting, eye-catching name for my channel. Though I've come up with a few, I can't pick one that feels right. This is the part I need YOUR help. Pretty please! If there's anyone, anyone there, just sacrifice a second or two of your time, answer honestly to the poll and help me be a YouTube phenomenon. Well, no. That definitely won't happen, but dreaming doesn't hurt anyone.

Last but not least, I'm leaving!!!
*drumroll*
Well, not now, not next month, not even next season. I'm leaving on October, but I'm already excited about it.
Okay, let me explain. This Fall I was able to convince my parents to let me study in Great Britain, which was pretty much what I've been dreaming about my whole life. Long story short, I've applied to five universities in Scotland, after writing a very fancy personal statement and I'm eagerly waiting for their replies, which unfortunately will arrive in my inbox in March. In the meanwhile I'll be taking a foundation course, starting this February.
Now I'll shut up because I don't want to jinx anything.

And...that's all for today. I wrote way too many words when I should be concentrating on my novel.
Damn.