Reasons I Quit

If I don't get people to read what I'm writing, I'll never get noticed and thus, I'll never get the chance to study Literature in an important university in either Europe or US. (I need a scholaship because these universities are extremely expensive and there's no such university where I live).
So, it's not that I want to be in the spotlight or anything. It's that if I don't get noticed, I'm forced to study for who knows how many hours to get into a university I hate. Eitherwise, my parents won't rent me my own apartment.

Thus, I decided to quit, since I've got my poems published for a long time in Figment and very few people bother to read them. Today I realised that I'm almost an adult and it's time to stop dreaming and decide what I'm going to do with my life and future.
My dream was and is to be a writer and earn money from that, but if I'm totally unknown, I'll end up as a homeless person. My parents can't feed me for the rest of my life, like I'm a baby.
No, I've got get responsible and find a way to earn my own living. As a writer or as a shop assistant.

Anyway, I'm used to that, because my dreams never come true. And this one is one of those dreams. That never get fulfilled.
I'm not a writer anymore. I don't know who and what I am, but not a writer. At least, until I get my faith back. 

Fearless

Anyone there?

Hmm...I guess nobody's listening...umm...sorry,reading me but anyway.
I'm not sure if I'm happy about that, but I decided to learn to play the guitar. I'm also concidering of taking music lessons, as I realised I can't really control my voice while singing.
Someone might ask, why now?
It all started back then, when I was a child. As a little girl, I loved singing. I sang everywhere; in the bathroom, at the street, inside my house. When I was about five, during summer, there was a singing competition in an island I visited with my family. My grandma and mum encouraged me to take part, and so I did! I sang a rather stupid, childish song but I won! Looking back, it was one of the happiest days of my life. That made me love singing even more and made me happy and proud of myself. But, in a few years, everything would change...
One autumn morning at my first week in Junior high, my music teacher, an old man who wasn't really sane, asked every student to sing a couple of notes after him, in order to choose members for the school choir. When it was my turn, I sang the notes with a low voice, as I was always a really shy person. My teacher looked at me for a moment
"You have mediocre voice" he said, drily
I turned as red as a beetroot and wanted to cry, but I gained control of myself. However, from that moment I lost any faith in myself and my singing skills. I wouldn't sing anything because I believed my voice was terrible. I avoided singing even the national anthem; I though that someone might hear me and make fun of my 'terrible' voice.
This year, in France, I was alone in my room and as I was bored, I put some music on and started singing on my own. Suddenly, the door opened and a girl walked in. I almost immediately stopped, but by that moment she heard a lot of my singing. She said nothing, however, a couple of days later when we were hanging around in a room, she looked at me and said
"You have a really nice voice, you know that?"
I blushed, I had no idea what to say other than thanks...But I never forgot her words. She encouraged me to start singing again.
I was thinking, I can't be the only one who likes my voice! I usually have low self-esteem, so what's going on now?
I realised I have to discover my voice type and apparently, I'm a mezzo-soprano, like Taylor Swift and Avril Lavigne. Then, I began singing songs that this type of singers sing and I chose Taylor Swift's. Her songs are meaningful and suit me a lot (but that's just my opinion).
The biggest challenge I had to face was recording them...Webcam had the worst sound quality, so I recorded them with my camera or my mp3 player. Still, they altered my voice a lot and deteriorated it.
Recently, I was asked to be the lead singer of a band, I was more than excited. I may not be trained, but I'm concidering of learning more about music and more importantly, not let go my dreams!

I'm now fearless, I'm not afraid of anyone critics. Apparently, my music teacher back then didn't mean my voice was mediocre,but my music aptitude. That means that I'm not talented at learning a musical instrument, not that I can't sing well. I spent all these years ashamed of my voice, while it wasn't that bad in the end!

Now I learnt that from now on, I won't let anyone tell me what I can and can't do, because they simply don't know me!

Better than revenge

She thinks I'm psycho cause I like to rhyme her name with things...


Finally I found a singer that dares to say things the way they are...Female is the meaner creature even created.We're literally sabotaging each other!And for what?
Some girls really believe they're supposed to rule the world and bully others.Just because you're not wearing all the 'hot' brands,you're not blonde and you're not having the right attitude.Because you stand in the corner,you don't have many friends and you're writing.
She'll say you're ugly,your hair are greasy,your skin looks like a pepperoni pizza and you're outfit looks horrible.They're try to say the worst things about you,make you trip in the middle of the whole school.All I know is that these girls are so insecure to love themselves,they've got to mock other people.
They'll steal the boy you like and you'll be left alone in a dark room,with tears in the eyes,writing love songs and page after page building the book that one day will bring you all you ever dreamt.
The question is;how you get over it? Day by day you get stronger and one day you're not the little ugly duckling you used to see in the mirror once...And boys will fall for you and you'll get all you ever wished...
But still...if you don't try to be happy,you'll never be.
There will always be people who will make us cry,intentionally or not,but remember,even if we don't realise it we also hurt people and make them cry their heart out for many nights.
The best thing you can do is to avoid these mean people...they'll see you one day happy and successful and all they will be is jealous.
High school won't last forever...:)

When I was a teenager and life was horrible and stuff: Part 2

It's hard not to feel awful after a horrible text message...
Actually it's a ton of text messages.


And my question is;
Why can't I have an as normal as possible best friend?
Who doesn't backstab me,like all the time?I think it's too much to ask...really?
I mean,when you think someone's your best friend,you two get bonded.You get to know each other pretty well,share stuff and mainly,have so much fun together.
So when that's the only person in like,the whole world,who's able to get you out of your misery and make you laugh,the only one that loves you for who you are,then you form a really deep relationship with this person,don't you?
But when suddenly,he changes his mind and you're not his best friend anymore,but something stronger,his love interest,what do you do?
I'd lie if I'll say it hasn't happened to me again.Oh yes,I remember clearly.Kindergarden...this little boy,who barely reached 1m20 wanted to marry me.
And now,just when I convinced myself that true friendship between a boy and a girl can exist,he turned it all around!
Gosh,I'm so pissed off right now!
And the problem gets even bigger.When you try to have a word with him,calm him down and tell him your feeling are just a tiny bit different,he stops replying at your text,does everything possible to avoid you and when he does reply,he says totally random things!
Now,five months later,I know there's no hope anymore.I lost my best friend just because he's stubborn.
And I feel burried deep in a hole full of spiders and other creepy stuff.I feel like I'm drowing,I'm suffocating.
My life sucks!