The final frontier

Two posts on the same day? She must be pretty angry! Well, yes I am, thank you very much.

Sometimes I think: wtf is my life??? 

I should be watching The Mindy Project again and again to remind myself why serial dating is a bad idea. Also to remind myself that Danny was a dick too. Also, to try to stay as sober as possible at weddings. 

If there's a character similar to me on tv, that's Jessica Day from New Girl. I'm weird, I'm awkward, I'm dorky as hell and wayyy too mushy and emotional. I even cried at that movie where a guy dies and his dog's waiting for him until it dies too. 

I even cry when I see cute babies in diaper ads or when I listen to Taylor Swift. I don't get the Nicks and Schmidts and Coaches of the world. I'm confused. Like Psyduck. 

People hate drama. What's that even supposed to mean? Am I expected to change myself; to be less emotional, to stop crying at silly things? 

Is it because I'm a cat lady? 

Guess what, I'm fucking proud to be a cat lady. Cats are awesome and I own several clothes depicting them. 

Fuck this. I'm not going to change myself to please someone else, 'cause I'm pretty damn awesome. And if I'm not good enough for you, that's your loss. 

I'm hella rad and that is not debatable. 

Don't be a dick

Song of the Day: Hey Now by London Grammar

I wanted to write something eloquent today. And I can't. I'm not okay. I should be okay. I'm in Dublin, I should be having fun but I keep thinking that everything's wrong. Things are going sour again and whose fault is it? I want to blame myself, 'cause if it's me, then I can fix it, but if I'm not the one that's controlling things - if I'm not the one to blame, then who am I going to blame? I'm confused and angry, I'm sad and I'm lonely, and I'm not even sure why. What's happening? I feel like a spectator in my own show; I'm sitting here wondering, waiting, not knowing what's going on. Maybe I miss my friends from home. Maybe I miss my cat. Maybe all I need is to binge-watch a show. Maybe I'll never be okay. Maybe everything's going to be fine. 

What I'm trying to say is, I know nothing. I don't understand life, I don't understand people, I don't understand God, I don't understand the way the universe works. I'll never know and that's fine with me. But why do we have to make things complicated? Why are our thoughts clouded with fear? Why do we say things to make others feel bad? Why don't we just paint the world in true colours? Why don't we say what we think? We're not getting any younger. So why do we do the things we do?  Point is: don't be Jim Halpert. Don't let fear get in the way of what you want. Take risks, 'cause if you don't, you'll always mourn what you lost. Also, don't be a dick.

One does not simply have fun in Mordor

Song of the Day: Lord of the Rings Medley by Lindsey Stirling

I am sometimes nostalgic. Nostalgic of times I've only heard of. I'm sure they weren't as great as I picture them to be.
Yes, there was death at every corner, and disease and people could come and set fire to your village or slaughter your whole family. And lets not talk about discrimination.
But there were swords! And bows! And everyone wore leather! And people rode horses, not cars. And you could go on an adventure, like Bilbo did in The Hobbit, or Eragon in the Inheritance Cycle!
And people drank ale, not beer. Cider, not appletinis. Wine, not coke. They smoked pipes, not cigarettes.

If you asked me, where would you rather live: Lord of the Rings or Star Trek universe?
I'd say: Lord of the Rings, because in ST's alternate universe, Spock's taken. And in the other one, Kirk's dead, so...While in LOTR, I could have Legolas. Maybe...I picture Gimli and I, dueling for Legolas' heart. I'd win. Fuck you Gimli.
No, I'd rather be in Alagaesia. Then I could have a dragon best friend. And I'd finally get over my fear of heights. Hopefully.

Wait. Why wouldn't you want to be in your own books' world?
'Cause it sucks, that's why. Everyone's a dick there and there are no dragons whatsoever. So why would I want to go there?
Plus, you know how I feel about my book.

Wouldn't it be great if we could get inside video games? Problem solved. And if we died, we could resurrect at our last save point. Awesome, right?
No, you know what? All I want is my full set of Nightingale Armour and my Nightingale Bow from Skyrim, along with a few Ebony Arrows. No, wait. Daedric Arrows are better. I'll have both. Actually, I'll have my whole Skyrim inventory (that has a capacity of 7,000 - I'm a hoarder, I know) because I can't live without sweetrolls and jazbay grapes. And Auriel's Bow is so pretty. :)

Goodbye. I'm going on an adventure.

Don't diss the sonic!

Song of the Day: Enchanted by Owl City

I need a first-person shooter. Or to punch people. In video games, not in real life though. Mostly cause I can't. I'd probably break my knuckles or something.

There's an achievement in Saints Row The Third that you get to unlock if you shoot a certain amount of enemies in the balls. It's much more fun than headshots.

TKO, says Justin. Yeah I'm listening to JT again. I'm still not over 'N Sync breaking up. (wasn't that like twelve years ago?)
Yeah, I feel like I've been TKO-d.

Truth is, I'm the kind of person that loves to overanalyse things instead of letting them go. I'm not chill, okay?
I'm not relaxed, carefree, or whatever slang word there is to describe people that aren't paralysed with overwhelming anxiety 24/7.

Well, it's way past New Year's Eve, but I'll make my resolution now, in June. I'll be chill. I'll be cool. Whatever happens, happens. Most likely nothing, in which case, there's no reason for me worrying. I should stop thinking of how things would be if only this and that had worked out and start living in the now. I've got to learn to live with my choices, 'cause I made them for a reason. I guess.

Incoherent ramblings in Klingon

Song of the Day: Love Stoned / I Think She Knows by Justin Timberlake

My muffins did not taste as good as I expected them to. Sad face.

Boom boom boom boom boom boom.

So, I spent the day watching tv. As per usual. Tv is relaxing. It can be funny, sad, weird, shocking, exciting. But that's not why I watch stuff on tv. The reason is that, for once, I don't have to make decisions. I don't really have to think. Things happen and there's nothing I can do to stop them, whether I want to or not. You could argue that life like's that, but it's not. Because, you see, in life, even if you can't control things, you feel like you could - that there's something you could do. You believe you did something wrong, that somehow you screwed things up, even if, in reality, there was no way for you to alter the course of things. At least, that's how my mind works. 

Isn't it great how on tv, people end up together, no matter the obstacles? They make it look so easy, so effortless like it's the most natural thing in the world. Whereas in life, people are much more stupid. Or I'm stupid. I don't know. 

Or maybe I binge-watched too much of The Mindy Project and Parks and Recreation. 

(more personal stuff about me below. you've been WARNED.)

I think I need to point out I'm an introvert. I'd love to be an extrovert, believe me, 'cause it's really hard feeling all weird around people, and having others thinking you're aloof or worse, stuck up. But I'm not, and I can't change the way I am. I love sitting at home watching tv and I also love hanging out with other people. I'm just weird when interacting with them, and that's the problem. Something that gets worse when someone flirts with me and I like him, 'cause I get even weirder and I think I give guys the impression I'm not interested. Well, dude, unless you ask me out or message me, or even make someone else ask me (if you're so scared of me, wtf am I Maleficent? and even if you chose to do that I'd answer 'cause I'm really not ashamed of who I like, it's not like it's this HUGE secret like it was in primary school and if someone found out, you'd die of terror [that actually happened to me, but that's another story for another time]) you're probably not going to know. 

OH DEAR GOD IS THIS ABOUT A GUY AGAIN, WILL YOU SHUT UP?

No. Yes. Well no. I'm talking in general. Or not. Guess. 

Okay this is simple. I wish I could have this on a t-shirt: If you like me, ask me out. 

If I had a dime for all the guys that never worked up the courage to ask me out I'll be living in a mansion and my cat would have a butler. Seriously. 

I'm the Dovahkiin you little scum!

Songs of the Day: 
1. Skyrim by Lindsey Stirling and Peter Hollens
2. The Age of Aggression by various bards all around the imperial province of Skyrim


Am I an Imperial? Probably not. But am I a Stormfuck? Definitely not!

I remember when I first launched Skyrim: I was in a cart, there were three men across me, a sad, pale man with a brown mop of hair, another one, with long blond hair and blue eyes - kinda handsome if you ask me - and a third one, another long-haired blond, but this one was gagged with a black cloth. He was wearing expensive clothes; while the others were not - he seemed important.

At first I liked Ulfric. He seemed like the good guy, the hero, the Captain America of Skyrim.
Captain Skyrim. I like that.

But after a few weeks into the game, I found out some documents and...well, as I should have expected
Ulfric Stormcloak is a dick.
He doesn't fight for the freedom of his country and people, he fights for himself. What he wants is power; which is what pretty much what everyone wants in Tamriel, Westeros and Earth.
He murdered a dude with his voice. Who also happened to be the High King. It sounds pretty impressive, but it's really not when you realise he's just a petty coward who learned a few words of the Thu'um from the Greybeards and went ahead and murdered his king.

So, this is a rant about Ulfric. I FUCKING HATE ULFRIC.

Behold my power, puny mortals!

Song of the Day: Carry on Wayward Son by Kansas.

I just remembered! I had the craziest dream last night.

I said: Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica.

Yeah. I was exorcising a bunch of demons. I'm not sure why, because right after that I said:
Stand back, I am an Angel of the Lord.

Funny thing is, I haven't watched Supernatural for a couple of months...So, I have no idea why I had that dream, or why most of my dreams are in English Enochian. But it was pretty cool. I was an angel! (which is what I would be if I was given a chance to be in Supernatural's world).

Now I wish I could lucid dream, because I really want to be an angel again and interact with Sam and Dean and Castiel and Crowley. Wait. Maybe there are angels and this was their way of telling me I'm accepted in their ranks! Nah. I'm pretty sure this whole post is 100% blasphemous. Whatever. I'm an agnostic anyway. Which means that sooner or later, I'm going to burn in the fiery pits of hell for the sinner that I am. Can't wait.